THE STORY OF
ED THE ELEVATOR REPAIR MAN

Ed was riding in an elevator, "UP" to investigate a problem. His destination was level #7. He didn't know exactly which elevator had the problem, but he had come fully equipped to deal with the situation. On his belt was a sack, and in the sack was an elevator wrench.

No sooner had elevator #1 climbed a few stories then it came to a grinding halt. "It appears there is a malfunction," said Ed factually to the occupants within.

The three other occupants within looked very upset. Co-incidentally enough the three occupants were wearing co-ordinating pastel shirts. One man was wearing pastel stripes, one was wearing pastel checks, and one was wearing a tasteful pastel argyle pattern. Ed decided to point this out. "Incidental to all this," Ed said observantly, "Your shirts match. Did you plan it that way?"

"I didn't plan to be running late like this," said the man in the checked shirt angrily. He had a pronounced moustache which bristled nervously when he spoke. "What's the big idea? We're stuck in here, and I need to be somewhere in a hurry."

"The big idea is that there appears to be a malfunction," said Ed factually.

"Harvey, calm down," said the man in the striped shirt. He was notably bald. "Tell me something, anyway. I thought you called in sick today. Shouldn't you be home in bed?"

"I should be," said the man in the checked shirt and bristling moustache who was Harvey. "In fact, I was just on my way home, but I felt better, so I thought I would come into work. Stan, don't take this the wrong way," he finished nervously.

The bald man who was Stan in the pastel checked shirt reacted with anger.

"You have made a very speedy recovery, and strangely enough, it is a very fine day to be sick," he noted.

"It is too nice of a day to either be sick, or stuck in an elevator," said Ed observantly.

All the men in pastel patterned shirts looked at Ed. "Well, why don't you do something about it." said Stan angrily. "You are the elevator repair man, aren't you?"

"I am," said Ed factually. With that, he reached into the bag on his belt and pulled out an elevator wrench. He started banging on the door of the elevator with it. "Halp!" he said loudly. "Halp! We're stuck!"

The man who was Stan looked at Ed. "Cut that racket out," said Stan angrily.

Ed stopped obediently.

The man who was Harvey looked nervously at the man who was Stan. "It was an allergy thing," he said to Stan. "I recover from these things very quickly."

Stan looked angrily at Harvey. "I would like to fire you," he said decisively.

Harvey thought about that for a moment. "I would like to quit," Harvey said decisively.

"I would like you to apologize, and then you can keep your job," said Stan to Harvey.

"I am sorry you are a bald bloated fool with bad breath," said Harvey to Stan.

"Try again, Harvey," said Stan to Harvey. "You still have a chance."

"I am sorry that your jokes are never funny," said Harvey to Stan.

"You're going to have to do better than that," said Stan to Harvey.

"I am sorry there is world hunger," said Harvey to Stan.

"Forget it," said Stan angrily.

"I am sorry I am going to lose my job." said Harvey nervously.

"You're fired," said Stan to Harvey.

"I quit," said Harvey to Stan.

"I am sorry we are all stuck in the elevator," said Ed factually.

All the men in pastel patterned shirts looked at Ed.

"Well, why don't you do something about it." said Stan angrily. "You are the elevator repair man, aren't you?"

"I am," said Ed factually. With that, he reached into the bag on his belt and pulled out an elevator wrench. He started banging on the door of the elevator with it. "Halp," he said loudly. "Halp! We're stuck!" The man who was Stan looked at Ed.

"Cut that racket out," said Stan angrily.

Ed stopped obediently.

"I am sorry that I didn't spend longer at the beach this morning," said Harvey to Stan.

"I told you, you're fired," said Stan to Harvey.

"I quit. I'm sorry there is widespread environmental chaos," said Harvey.

"You don't have to apologize anymore. You're fired." said Stan to Harvey.

"I'm sorry I didn't think of a better excuse this morning when I called in sick to work," said Harvey. "I quit."

The man in the pastel shirt with the argyle pattern opened his mouth to say something.

"I'm the president for the company you both work for," he said factually. "You're both fired."

"I already quit," said Harvey.

"I am sorry I didn't know you were the president of the company," said Stan apologetically.

"Too late," said the president of the company in the argyle pastel patterned shirt.

"I am sorry that I fired Harvey for no other reason than the fact that I am stuck in this elevator and I am irritated," said Stan apologetically.

"Still too late," said the president of the company in the argyle pastel patterned shirt.

"I am sorry we are all stuck in the elevator," said Ed factually. All the men in pastel patterned shirts looked at Ed.

"Well, why don't you do something about it." said the president of the company in the argyle pastel patterned shirt. "You are the elevator repair man, aren't you?"

"I am," said Ed factually. With that, he reached into the bag on his belt and pulled out an elevator wrench. He started banging on the door of the elevator with it. "Halp!" he said loudly. "Halp, we're stuck!"