Ed was sitting in his swivel chair in the Information Kiosk. He opened his coffee cup and put half a creamer into it, and stirred it up with his disposable coffee stirrer that he always saved for such occasions. A man came by to ask him a question.
"Do you know where the men's room is?" the man inquired. He had a moustache that bristled when he talked.
"My scope is limited and my duties are few," Ed warned. "But the men' s room is down the hall and to the right. "
"Thank-you" said the man. His moustache bristled curiously, but he left without any further comment.
Later, an aggravated-looking woman came by . She had high aggravated-sounding heels .
"Do you know where the women's room is ? " she inquired .
"My scope is limited and my duties are few," Ed warned. "I've never been to the women' s room. I really couldn' t tell you. "
She stared at him. "Well I know you haven' t been to the women' s room. I just thought you might be the person to ask. "
"My scope is limited and my duties are few," Ed warned. "But that woman standing over there might know. She might have been to the women' s room. I've never been to the women's room. "
The woman walked away, her heels leaving dents in the soft concrete She looked very aggravated.
Later, a burly delivery woman came by with a lot of packages . "Say," she said, "Do you know where this company is located in this building? " she inquired, showing Ed a pink sheet of paper.
"My scope is limited and my duties are few," Ed warned. He contemplated the sheet of paper for a while. At length, he commented, "Check that directory plaque. " He pointed to the left. The woman looked to where he was pointing. She looked back at him impatiently. "I already checked that, " she said. "I thought you might know more. "
Ed made a suggestion. "Have you checked the yellow pages ? " he asked.
"For what?" asked the woman.
"To see if the company you want is listed. They often include the address as well as the phone number in the yellow pages. " Ed said helpfully.
"I don' t want to see any yellow pages" said the woman. '~l just want to deliver these packages to a business in this building. "
"Maybe you could call your supervisor. Your supervisor would probably know the address. " added Ed.
The woman stared at him. "I'm not gonna call my supervisor, buddy. " she said. "I wouldn't mind calling your supervisor, though. Where are your pay phones?"
Just then, a phone repair man walked by.
"Ask him, " said Ed .
"Ask who?" said the burly delivery woman impatiently.
"Ask that telephone repair man. He might know where the pay phones are. "
"What?" asked the woman in surprise.
The telephone repair man walked up to the information kiosk. "Do you know how I could reach the management company that runs this building?" he inquired.
"My scope is limited and my duties are few," warned Ed.
"What?" said the telephone repair man.
"Try calling directory assistance. They might be able to tell you." Ed said helpfully.
"Who is this guy?" the telephone repair man said to the burly delivery woman.
"Do you know where a pay phone is?" she asked him.
"I don't have anything to do with that, lady." said the telephone repair man. "I'm strictly services and repairs." Then he turned to Ed.
"Do you know what time it is?" he inquired.
Just then, a man walked in through the sliding doors. He was carrying a small overstuffed briefcase.
Ed turned to the telephone repair man.
"The man coming in the door looks like he might be wearing a watch." Ed said helpfully. "Maybe he knows what time it is."
The man with the overstuffed briefcase walked up to the information kiosk. He had a bright flowered tie, and a striped shirt, but it was all in good taste.
"Do you know the time?" he inquired of Ed.
"My scope is limited and my duties are few," warned Ed. "Check your watch. It might say the time."
The man stared at Ed. "I'm trying to set my watch. Don't you have a watch?"
"You could try calling the time number. They usually have the time." Ed said helpfully.
"This guy's a nut" said the burly delivery woman.
"Where are the phones" asked the telephone repair man.
Just then, the woman in the aggravated sounding heels came back. "I can't find the damn women's room," she said angrily to Ed.
"This is the building manager," said Ed helpfully, pointing to the man in the flowered tie. "He might know where the women's room is,"
The man in the flowered tie turned to Ed. "What's your name, fella," he asked
"My scope is limited and my duties are few," warned Ed. "But my name is Ed"
The telephone repair man scratched his head and looked at the man in the flowered tie. "Say, I've been looking for you. You wanted some phones repaired." he said.
"Ed what?" asked the man in the flowered tie of Ed.
"It might say on my name tag." said Ed helpfully. "It usually says people's names on their name tags."
"Ed, you're fired." said the man in the flowered tie.
"Thank-you" said Ed, pinning his name tag on the man's flowered tie.
Ed picked up his coffee and coffee stirrer that he kept for such occasions, and left the information kiosk.
© sarah smiley 1992